Atoms and Apples

...There is no greater satisfaction than being a source of joy to the hearts.

- 'Abdu'l-Baha -

“A friend of mine,” she said, with tears in her eyes, and no emotion in her voice, “committed suicide the other day.” I knew she was reaching out, but afraid to reach out at the same time. I’m more than twice her age. She was obviously wondering how I would react.

I asked her how she felt about it.

She didn’t know. The phrases she used were descriptive of her confused state, her mixed emotions, her grief, her relief that her friend was possibly at peace, her loss. There was an occasional break in her calm façade, a random tear, a nervous giggle, a furrowed brow. She just didn’t know. And all the rambling syllables came back to a single word: why?

I’ve seen many friends commit suicide over the years, far more attempt it, and have had the same confused rush of emotions go through my own heart. “Why,” I would always ask, “why would they do this?” Recently, an answer came to mind from the most unlikely of places: physics.

I believe that everything in creation can be seen as a metaphor for a spiritual truth, if we only look deep enough. In fact, this search for metaphor has become something of a game for me. “How is this object a metaphor for a spiritual truth? How about that one?” Some are easier than others, but in the end, all have their point to teach. A teacup, for example, shows us that we must empty ourselves before we can pour in something new. It is a silent game I play when walking down the street, or driving to the post office, or walking on a lonely beach.

“What spiritual truth can an atom show?” This was the one that puzzled me for some time.

How is an atom a metaphor for a spiritual truth?

A teacher once told me that if you enlarged an apple to the size of the planet Earth, each atom in that apple would be the size of a cherry. Imagine this: everything from horizon to horizon made up of cherries. From here all the way to the other side of the planet, solid cherries. Everything you see: cherries. Try and imagine how many cherries that would be.

Would it make a difference if you removed a single one?

That to me is the question of suicide. “Would it make a difference if I were gone?”

Let’s take it a step further: enlarge that cherry-sized atom to full kilometre across. Do you know what you would see? A raisin in the centre and a grain of salt at the edge. That is proportionally all the matter contained within a single atom. The atom can truly look at itself and say, “I am nothing”. But is it accurate?

If this is really all the matter in an atom, why can’t my hand move through my desk? What are the chances of two raisins hitting each other when tossed over a kilometre?

The answer lies in the relationship between the two atoms. The electrons, those grains of salt at the edge, have a relationship to each other. The stronger the relationship, the more solid the atom appears to be. This may not be the most scientific of explanations, but it works. When the atom is seen on its own, it is virtually nothing. It is only in relation to the atoms around it that it appears to be a solid object.

Similar to the atom, when we look at ourselves on our own, we can truly say that we are virtually nothing. It is only through our relationships with others that we appear to be solid. The greater our relationships, the more solid we appear to be.

Years ago, when I was suicidal, it was the thought of my friends that carried me out of it. It was my friends and loved ones that made me realize how important I really am, how much we all lose when that single atom is missing. It is a fact I am reminded of every time I lose a dear friend.

In fact, it is through turning our thoughts away from ourselves, and towards the needs of others, that we find the best healing for the pain that leads us to think of suicide. It is through the strength and love of our community that we can find the best solution to the problems that are plaguing so many people today.

And although we can look at ourselves and say that we are virtually nothing, we are, in fact, very much something. We are noble creations of a Noble Creator. We are human. And the world is that much less when we are gone.